Simplify Your Beauty Routine

Continuing with our theme of simplification for April, let’s talk about all things BEAUTY! It’s no secret that I am definitely a very low maintenance gal when it comes to my beauty regimen, yet what I have learned is that QUALITY is key! I love to keep my routine simple, yet more than that, I love a routine that WORKS for me. Good products, natural ingredients, and efficiency in application. Based on that, I’m sharing my FAV beauty products that meet all three of my requirements!

Here goes:

1. High Quality Skin Care - As you know, MONAT is my go-to brand for high quality, naturally based hair and skin care. Similar to their hair care line, MONAT’s skin care is also anti-aging, naturally based, and revolutionary on it’s ability to improve your skin’s elasticity while minimizing the appearance of lines, skin spots, and wrinkles. Their formula leverages natural fruit acids (AHAs), plant stem cells and the the same proprietary Rejuveniqe blend that makes their hair care line so effective. Using a simple 4 step process to cleanse, prepare, target and replenish - there are several products to choose from to suit whatever your skin care needs are and it literally takes 2 to 3 minutes each morning and night to apply. Here is a link to the skin care quiz to see which products are best for you and your skincare needs: SKIN CARE QUIZ

2. Naturally Based Make Up - I am definitely NOT an expert in the make up department. I didn’t wear foundation for YEARS - well into my 40’s - but since then, I am super picky about choosing products that provide coverage but yet have a very natural look to them. This is why I love two brands: Beautycounter and SEINT. In the colder months, I love the naturally looking covering that the 3D cream based foundation provides with SEINT and love the efficiency of one make up palette that packs and travels well. In the summer months, my absolutely FAV is the tinted moisturizer from Beautycounter as it’s super light yet gives me an even coverage. If you are interested in checking out either one, I have friends that are representatives for each one. For SEINT, contact my friend Stacey at powerfulyouyoga@gmail.com and for Beautycounter, reach out to Kelli at tobin.kel@gmail.com. Tell them Tammy sent you - you will be in good hands!

3. My FAV Mascara - Okay, I have searched HIGH and LOW for the best mascara out there. One that is naturally looking, doesn’t clump, doesn’t wipe or wear off, and doesn’t flake and I have finally found it! Lash Idole Mascara from Lancome is the BOMB. It’s a bit on the pricey side for approx. $30 at ULTA but well worth it!!

So there you have it - all my FAV beauty products and secrets. Simple. Naturally Based. Effective and Efficient. #boom I hope you will give them a try too and love them just as much as I do! If you do give any of them a try, let me know what you thought!

xoxo

Tammy

Simplify Your Morning Routine

Morning routines can be tough. Stressful. Especially if you are in a season of your life where you are trying to get the kids out the door and off to school before work. While those seasons are behind me at this stage in my life, I have learned to LOVE my mornings and have established a routine that works for me. I will admit up front though - I am NOT one of these people who plan things out the night before. I don’t prep meals. I don’t lay out my clothes. I don’t make sure the kitchen is clean, dishes put away, etc. I wish I were that organized but that just isn’t me. Planning out all of those details actually stresses me out. Instead, I’ve established a routine that enables me to start my day in a way that helps me to feel grounded, peaceful, and centered (and it’s taken me a LONG time to get here!) so for our month of celebrating SIMPLE - I wanted to share those with you!

Here are a few of the best practices that I’ve established that I would highly recommend:

1. Get up EARLY. Now you may not be a morning person, but I PROMISE that when you become disciplined in this area, it makes ALL the difference. This is a practice I’ve had in place ever since my youngest was a baby (he’ll be 17!!!) where I have set my alarm early enough to give me at least 30 minutes of time alone before I need to do anything else. The actual time doesn’t matter. For some, that may be 5 am; for others it may be 7:30. Either way, set your alarm 30 minutes ahead of when you actually need to be up and moving. Oh and resist the urge to hit the SNOOZE. I know, I know - it’s a hard habit to break but I promise that when you intentionally rise and start your day at the time you planned, you will feel such a sense of accomplishment! For me, this is my favorite time of the day! Sitting quietly, cuddling with my pup, sipping my first cup of coffee for the day - absolute HEAVEN! Give yourself that gift in the morning and it will set the tone for your day!

2. Morning Devotions - While I’m sitting sipping my morning coffee, I always spend time in the Word. I love devotionals on the YouVersion app as they are simple, quick, yet get into the Word yet always spend time afterwards reflecting on the bible verse and journaling on it’s life application. I love the Give Me Jesus journal by Well Watered Women as it includes prompts to help you reflect and pray on your bible verse of the day. The devotions and journaling exercise doesn’t take long but really helps to center me on God’s word and really sets the tone for the day. There are days here and there where I may not get to do my devotion and I can definitely tell a difference in my disposition for the day. I am always more peaceful and grounded when I take the time to do it.

3. Move Your Body - Not everyone has the time in the morning for this one, yet even a brisk 15 minute walk around your neighborhood works wonders! Morning workouts are my FAVORITE as I love knowing that it’s DONE and I don’t have to squeeze it in, especially if my day gets busy. Before joining my local all-women gym, I used to lace up my sneakers and walk my neighborhood listening to my favorite podcast or an online sermon. Breathing oxygen into my lungs, while walking briskly is very energizing! Now that I belong to a gym, I love the early morning class schedule and feel SO good returning home before my youngest leaves for school. It’s such an accomplished feeling! Your body AND your mental state will thank you!

4. Simplify Your Morning Beauty Routine - I’m going to talk about this one in more detail next week, yet I’ll share a few strategies now for how I save time getting ready in the morning. #1 - I do not wash my hair every day. In fact, I only wash it twice a week. I’ve trained my hair to get to a point that it only needs that. Allowing the natural oils from your scalp to breathe is actually good for your hair and scalp; not to mention will save you loads of time! I typically do not even need a dry shampoo until days 3 or 4 and love The Champ by Monat. It does not contain harsh chemicals, is nice and light, and doesn’t leave a nasty film on your hair. #2 - Stick to an easy make up routine. I use Seint make up (more on that next week) and it literally takes me 5 to 7 minutes every morning. It’s a cream based 3D foundation and make up that is easy, efficient and looks amazing! #3 - Get dressed in a SNAP with the Closet Outfit Planner. Since adopting this strategy in my wardrobe, getting dressed in the morning takes me seconds! All three of these FAVs are listed on my website which you can find HERE.

Well - there you have it! All of my secrets that help me to maximize my morning time and start the day feeling ready for where ever the day takes me! Do you have some secrets to YOUR morning routine? What has worked best for YOU over the years? I’d love to know! Comment below!

See you next week for more on how to simplify your make up bag!!

Tammy

Declutter Your Closet, Declutter Your SOUL

I like STUFF. Cute clothes. Cute pillows. Comfy blankets. Fun coffee mugs. I mean - does anyone else have a problem with those cute little wooden signs that have a saying for literally EVERYTHING?! I have them all of the house. So hear me in this - I am NOT a minimalist. Never was. Never will be. I am a SUCKER for all the things that Hobby Lobby, TJ Maxx and Homesense have to offer. It’s important that you know that up front.

BUT….

What I have found over the years is that too much STUFF is not only detrimental to my closet, my home, my physical space but it’s also detrimental to my SOUL. I have found that when my physical space is bursting at the seams, it is hard to focus mentally and there is a sense of unsettledness in my soul. Have you ever felt that way? Let me ask you this: when you walk into your closet, how does it make you feel? For me - I felt overwhelmed. I felt chaotic. I felt a sense of dread. Like I had this big mountain that needed to be tackled but didn’t have the head space nor mental capacity to do it and so I closed the door.

When I was introduced to the concept of 27 Hangers and the Closet Outfit Planner last year, I thought to myself, ‘There is no way!’ There is no way I could consolidate my closet down to 12 Tops, 8 bottoms, 6 layering pieces and 1 dress. For real?? BUT what I have found is that over time, as I have purged and purged some more - there is peace to be found somewhere between a closet bursting at the seams and 27 Hangers. There is no magic number yet the process of clearing, deciding, purging, aligning, and simplifying is what has brought me peace. Peace to my closet. Peace to my mental capacity. Peace to my soul. So I want to share that process with you!

Step 1: CLEAR

The first step to cleaning out your closet is to literally remove every single item. This is important! When you remove every single item, you are then forced to take action on that item. Not to mention how cleansing it is to your soul to see an empty closet!!! Ahhhh….. So yes, empty everything from your closet and place it on your bed.

Step 2: DECIDE

Then go through each item and decide whether or keep, donate or toss. When deciding, ask yourself a few questions: 1) When was the last time I wore this? 2) Does it fit? 3) Does it bring me JOY? 4) Is it in my Color Code? Here is the thing - you can keep whatever you want, friend. It’s YOUR closet. BUT if you haven’t worn it in a year, it’s too big/too small but you are keeping it ‘just in case’, or it makes you looked washed out - then you are NOT doing yourself any favors. It’s time to part ways. I say that because I love you.

One quick note on Color Code. First up - if you don’t know what your Color Code is - it’s essentially all the colors that look BEST with your hair color, eye color, and skin tone. Not all colors are created equal for everyone. The goal is to choose colors that highlight your natural features BEST. If you don’t know what your Color Code is, you can take a free quiz HERE. That said - again, you get to choose! If you love something and it brings you JOY, but it’s not in your Color Code, it’s not time to part with it yet and that’s okay!!! I am still holding on to some black items that I’m just not ready to part with yet (Black for a SOFT Color Code is not recommended!) and that’s OK. Baby steps.

Also just a friendly reminder for those items you know you want to part with but are unsure of whether to donate or toss - if it’s stained in any way, frayed, damaged or just completely worn then TOSS. Unfortunately so many items get donated that really should not be and these poor non-profits have to sift through. Let’s not just dump and run, k? xoxo

Step 3: TAKE INVENTORY

More than 27 pieces but hey….I’m a work in progress!!

Okay, now that you have looked through every single item, made your decision to keep, and created all your piles - it’s time to return the KEEP items to your closet. Here is how I want you to do that. Organize your items by TYPE. Keep your tops in one section (I like to further organize by top type - sleeveless, short sleeve, long sleeve etc.), bottoms in another, laying pieces, dresses, etc. Then I want you to take inventory of what you have and see if you have any gaps. This is where the Closet Outfit Planner comes in. This is a fabulous tool to help you to identify 1) Do you have the items you need? 2) Are you aligned with your color code so that you can look and feel your best? and 3) Can you mix and match the pieces you have to create outfits that work for you? This will help you to identify if what you have works best for you. In other words, can you STRETCH the pieces that you have by mixing and matching to maximize the number of outfits you are able to create with what you have. This will help you to be more INTENTIONAL with your purchases too. Instead of grabbing a top at Target because it’s cute (which I will never tell you NOT to do BTW), you can look for a top that is a certain style and in a certain color because you can then create 5 different looks with that one top or laying piece! THIS is where the true magic resides.

Step 4: BREATHE

Friend - Now that you closet is less cluttered, your wardrobe is more intentional and brings you JOY, you can now breathe DEEP. Take a moment to take that all in. The feeling of accomplishment when you finish a project like that and know that you have not only done yourself a favor with cleaning/decluttering your physical space, but you have also shifted your internal energy and made more room in your SOUL. And when we make more room in our soul, we create room for the presence of Jesus. Breathe Him in.

I am so proud of you! Doesn’t it feel amazing?

Two final things I want to make you aware of:

1. You can join the Closet Outfit Planner Community for inspiration and ideas on how to pull together outfits for your Color Code. It’s absolutely FREE and there is no purchase necessary! (Although you will totally want to purchase the new Spring COP because it’s AMAZING!) To join the Free FB Community, click HERE. If you want to snag the Spring Closet Outfit Planner, you can get that HERE.

2. If the thought of cleaning out and purging your closet overwhelms you or gives you hives, AND you are local to the seacoast NH area, I do personal closet audits as a stylist! I would LOVE to do that for you! Contact me HERE for more info!

Happy purging!!

tammy

The 10 Lessons 2020 Has Taught Me

Our pastor gave us an assignment in church today: to write down what we are grateful to God for this year. In this year of chaos and challenge, he challenged us to look for the GOOD. He shared that in Philippians 4:4 and all throughout the bible, we are called to REJOICE. In fact, as Christians, we are commanded to rejoice; that in our rejoicing, the enemy has no influence over us. Any schemes he tried to distract us with are not successful, as in our rejoicing, his attempts are unsuccessful.

That thought struck me and has stayed with me all day.

2020 certainly has not been kind to any of us. It certainly has not been kind to me. BUT, there have been LOTS of lessons and opportunities to grow and for THAT I am grateful and honestly would not trade this year for anything. Sure it was laden with difficulty. Disease. Isolation. Loneliness. Stripped of everything I have ever known from a physical body sense. Yet I am SO much stronger because of it. I know for a FACT that God has used this opportunity to mold and shape my character. To enable me to build strength in who He called me to be. Not that things weren’t good before, yet let me ask you this: Would you trade good for better, even if it meant things would suck for a while? Damn straight I would and that is just what He has done for me this year.

Here are 10 specific lessons I am reflecting on that I wanted to share. I’d love to hear if any of these resonate with you too! Drop a comment below or shoot me an e-mail at tammy@mstammyhickey.com. Okay, here goes:

1) I am stronger that I thought - This one may seem super obvious, because well, you can’t really endure a cancer diagnosis and not come out stronger on the other side. Well, maybe you can, but I think most survivors would tell you that this experience has made them stronger. Yet for me, I knew I was strong based on some other critical key decisions I’ve made in my life that were against the grain, but the extent to which I was able to handle this emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually challenging journey and come out on (almost) the other side with a faith that is stronger, is truly a testament to my relationship with Christ. In every single pivotal moment or experience in my life, this one included, I can clearly see how God showed up in a mighty way. This leads me to my next lesson:

2) My relationship with Christ is everything - People have told me all throughout this experience, ‘You are handling this with so much grace’ or ‘You are the strongest person I know’. The thing is - it’s not me. It’s my relationship with Christ that is the foundation of how I show up and everything that I do. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been perfect - that’s for sure - yet fundamentally I know that He has been my source and my strength. I never doubted for a minute that He had a plan for me and I trust Him completely with my life. I knew this because He showed up for me so many other times in my life, so of course He was going to show up in a mighty way this time around. I never doubted that and it has made ALL the difference.

3) Community is essential - I am SO blessed with a beautiful community that has come through for me, even in a pandemic. Flowers. Meals. Cards. Prayers. Laughter. A Parade. Teddy Bears. Chocolate. More Flowers. And it wasn’t just the tangible things, it was also the intangible. Friends who would pray over me. Hold my hand while I cried. Check in on me. Send me encouraging messages. I truly believe we are created for community and while physically we have been separated, emotionally I have never felt so supported and loved.

4) Beauty is so much more than how we look - This one was surprising to me. Not because I didn’t believe this before - I believed this 100%; yet something happens to your psyche when you lose your hair, your eyebrows, eye lashes AND gain 10 lbs. Your belief in inner beauty is TESTED. I thought I had this one licked. I was WRONG. God wanted to heal me DEEP on inner beauty and while it’s still a work in progress, I can FEEL Him completely redefining what true beauty really is. That it is more about who we ARE. How we show UP. How we treat others. What is reflected in our hearts. I have believed that to be true in other people for quite some time; and now I’m starting to believe that is true for ME too.

5) You can have differing/opposing views on issues yet still be respectful and honoring - If there ever was a year that tested this belief, 2020 was it - yet I stand strong in this one. I truly believe this is possible and can be practiced on the daily! We are blessed to live in a democratic society, one where we have the ability to think and express our views freely and that is a beautiful thing! I love the fact that we can pick and choose what works for each of us, and what works for our families. YET, that does not mean that should/will work for everyone. We must leave the space for others to express and put their own views into practice that are different from ours, and honor that. No judgement. No ill will. No conspiracy theories. No anger or resentment. Just acceptance. Loving acceptance. I feel like this is a muscle that I am building to be stronger than ever this year. It’s not easy and I certainly don’t do it perfectly (my emotions can get the best of me at times) yet I love the example Jesus set for us in His ministry. He spoke His truth and He did not mince words, but He also didn’t engage in arguments, never once used force with another, and always kept his cool. We can all benefit from the example He has set.

6) Staying true to ME is way more important than someone else’s love or approval - I am a recovering people pleaser and spent a lot of my life just ‘going with the flow’ in order to keep peace. In my family. In my home. In my job. In my relationships. I have believed for a long time that in order to be lovable, you must keep others happy. To not rock the boat. That is wrong on so many levels. Love is not conditional. And while loving does mean some self-sacrificing, it is not at the expense of yourself 100% of the time. I am slowly learning how to show up authentically. How to be ME in all of my quirkiness, flaws, insecurities. Showing up, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. Choosing what I want. Where I want to eat. What I want out of relationships. A career. A business. With MY time. It’s still a process. I find myself so easily wanting to go back to the flow at times, yet working hard to stand my ground. To stand strong.

7) My voice matters - I wasn’t going to vote this year. I honestly did not want to participate in the process because I felt like there was no good option. Both candidates went against some of my most fundamental beliefs so I really felt like it was a lose/lose situation. Then I really began to feel the weight of that decision (because choosing NOT to vote is still a decision) and felt like it was the easy way out. I took a page from my own book (see #6 above) and thought long and hard about MY fundamental issues. How would I vote if everything depended on ME. What was important to ME. What my #1 thing was (not anyone else’s) and then felt completely at peace with voting based on THAT. Because MY VOICE MATTERS. Just as much as his. Just as much as hers. Now, my ONE THING is likely different than yours and that is OK. Yet, I needed to let go of believing that my ONE THING is any less important than someone else’s. And you know what? Since I made that decision and acted on it, I have felt a holy rising in ME to speak out on this issue now more than ever. I’m sure I’ll be writing about it very soon ;-) God uses all things. Even a heated presidential election!

8) Serving and loving on others is the antidote to discontentment - One of the things God has called me to do this year is to start to share the stories of other warrior women who have battled cancer and other traumatic experiences in their life. Through having these conversations and sharing these stories, I have seen a common thread of how God used these otherwise gut wrenching circumstances to bless these women way beyond their expectations. So many stories of triumph, grace, service, and love. Sharing these stories have truly touched me and my life in a way that I can’t even describe. It is my goal to enable these warriors to be and feel heard. To know that God is making beauty from ashes. To enable them to see the strong, confident, and beautiful women that they are. They are warriors. They are overcomers.

9) I am capable of ANYTHING - I am not going to lie, my foundation was rocked by cancer. It hit me way harder emotionally and mentally than I anticipated. Way more. I remember one particularly low point after surgery where I had a bit of an identity crisis. I no longer felt like who I once was, but I also couldn’t quite visualize who I was becoming. Who God was preparing me to be. I have described this place as pergatory. Not quite in heaven, but not in hell either. It’s took a little bit for the fog to lift and for God to show me who I have been all along. And it took some truth speaking influencers in my life (see #3: community is essential) to point me to what God was showing me. With Him, I am capable of ANYTHING I put my mind to. When I look back at all the things in my life that I have overcome, I see evidence of this all over. He has shown me what I am capable of through Him, time and time again. It’s time now to own it fully and completely.

10) I am MORE than a survivor; I am a WARRIOR - #enoughsaid #micdrop #endofstory

Time to RE-IGNITE Your Calling!

I have lost myself. Again.

Do you ever have those seasons? Where the noises of this world tend to overpower you? Where you forget and begin to question who you are? Where the seeds of doubt seem to crowd out everything else?

Yup - me too. That has been me these past couple of months. It started back in early Fall when I felt the nudge to slow down. I had just finished up radiation and was about to launch my membership community and just felt like God told me to ‘Take a minute’. To PAUSE and reflect. To re-center. And I did. I hit the PAUSE button and just allowed myself to BE.

I read.

I studied the Word.

I refocused on my health.

Did some yoga.

And it all felt great. It really has. Yet in these past few weeks, I’ve felt myself floundering again. Looking around more. Paying more attention to what others are doing vs. pursuing where God is calling ME. I started to question my voice. I started to think more about what others thought or would think. How things would LOOK. And I let that affect my purpose. I let that affect how I showed UP.

Earlier this summer when pursuing my style consultant certification with Fashion Meets Faith, I crafted my own style mission statement. This is now an exercise I do with my own clients during a style consult. It’s where you spend time creating a statement that reflects who God created you to BE. You can read more about that HERE. My style mission statement is:

I am a vibrant, gracious, ignitor of light!

THIS is who God created me to be, yet somehow I had lost sight of that. In my time of pause and reflection, I spent more time focused on ME and not on others. Not on my mission and purpose. I stopped SERVING and instead became too SELF ABSORBED. While I do believe it’s good to pause and reflect sometimes, it’s a fine line we walk there. We can become overly focused on ourselves, when we were created to SERVE. In her book Chasing Perfect, Alisha Illian says it so well:

Instead of saying, ‘You can’t love others until you love yourself’, we should be saying, ‘You can’t love others until you FORGET yourself’.

The world would have us do the opposite. The world tells us things like:

You have worked so hard! You deserve a break!

Taking time for yourself is a form of self care!

This year has been a doozy! Cut yourself some slack!

And while all of those things are true and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, when God calls you to something MORE, something beyond yourself, you will feel out of integrity if you don’t follow the call. Here is the thing, sis: Jesus straight up told his disciples that they will need to lay down their lives to follow the call. They needed to DIE TO SELF in order to fulfill the call on their lives and we do to. You will NOT feel fulfilled until you do. Just like I have floundered these past few months. It’s because He’s calling us to something GREATER.

And it’s time to answer the call. It’s time that I ‘put on’ my style mission statement every. single. day. It won’t be executed perfectly. I won’t always do or say the right thing. The action I take will be messy. BUT I will feel more fulfilled because I will be walking out the journey that He created just for me.

How about you? What is He calling you to? In what area of your life do you need to DIE TO SELF? I’m here for you, sis! Praying for you and cheering you on!

In Style & Grace,

Tammy

STOP Searching for Your Calling

Okay - I realize that sounds counter intuitive doesn’t it? We are taught in the christian circles to pursue our calling. To search far and wide for God’s specific purpose for our lives! To be told to stop searching seems a bit ungodly, yet hang with me for a minute because I think I’ve got something here that you might want to hear. Actually, that you NEED to hear so let’s cut to the chase.

Your Calling isn’t Something You Need to Search For. You are already LIVING it.

Wait, what? You mean to tell me that this crazy messy life that I’m already living has a PURPOSE? That this is actually where I’m supposed to be?

YUP.

That is exactly what I am saying.

You do not need to SEARCH high and low for our calling. You do not need to hire a coach to determine what your calling is. You do not need to read all of the personal development books and take all of the personality tests (although I LOVE the Enneagram and highly recommend using this tool as a way to get to know how God designed you!). We spend FAR too much time seeking and searching, praying and asking, reading and learning. Seeking answers OUTSIDE of ourselves and our current realities when friend, all you have to do is LOOK AROUND and WITHIN.

Want to know you calling? Look around and Look within!

First and foremost, we all have one mission: to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19-20). THAT was the Great Commission presented to us through Christ Jesus. Wherever we are and whatever we do, this is our key purpose: to share and spread the gospel. That is the end all be all - the WHAT.

With that as the backdrop, HOW we do that is what varies from person to person. God designed each of us uniquely with special gifts, passions and skills (1 Peter 4:10-11). He designed YOU in a special way that is original and unique to you. Not sure what your special gifts, passions and skills are? Take time to assess the things you LOVE to do.

1. What hobbies do you have?

2. What are the things that come naturally to you?

3. What brings you JOY?

4. What do people come to you for? What do they come to you asking advice on?

5. What special skills do you have?

When you take the time to fully understand what gifts and special skills God has blessed YOU with, then it will become more clear HOW He wants to use you! HOW you can reach other people and share His good news.

Now let’s talk about WHERE or WHO you are meant to share it with. First, let’s take a look around. What are the circles you are in right now? Are you a teacher working with kids? Do you work in a Corporate setting? Are you a volunteer at a non profit? Are you a part of a running group? Or a member at a gym? Maybe part of a womens golf league? Or sewing group? Whatever it is - THAT is where God put you to share your message and shine bright. A lot of times we look for a platform outside of where we are. We look for the bigger venue or maybe you envision a bigger stage. This is where we need to trust God. First and foremost, we need to ‘Bloom Where We are Planted’. We’ve all heard that expression, right? That is exactly what God calls us to do.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

‘Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.’ (Zechariah 4:10) Zerubbabel had the important job of laying the foundation of the temple. This was a critical role before anything else could be done. Before anyone else could pray or worship inside the temple, Zerubbabel had to do his work. Every single one of us has an important job to do. In our lives, in our homes, in our communities - we must first do the important foundational work. We must prepare our hearts and our character to do the good work that God has called us to do. From there - God will open new doors. God will bring to us the platforms He has designed especially for us. Maybe that will come in the form of a stage, or maybe that will be from within the four walls of your home - yet either way, the work is CRITICALLY IMPORTANT to His Kingdom.

Friend - we ALL have important work to do for Him, no matter the platform and no matter what shape it takes. No message or calling is more important than the other. My prayer is that God uses my skills and abilities for HIS glory - whatever that looks like - and that I clear the path for the Holy Spirit to shine through and simply stay out of the way.

I am here cheering you on! Go and be your beautiful self, with your message to share to your own people. God has big plans and important work for you to do!

In style & grace,

Tammy

the only way to fail is to never start or quit

FAILURE.

We are all afraid of it.

We all FEAR failure more than anything else in the world.

In fact, our FEAR of FAILURE keeps us from doing the things that we were destined and created to do!

Psychology Today wrote an article on how the Top 10 Signs That You Might Have a Fear of Failure and can you guess what the #1 reason is? YUP - worrying about what other people think of you! Isn’t that just INSANE?! Insane but so TRUE! Put another way - the #1 thing that holds us back from pursuing our dreams and living the life we desire is that we care too much what Karen thinks.

Good Lord! It sounds so silly when we put it that way, doesn’t it?

Karen doesn’t know FLIP about my life! Karen should be busy living her own damn life and I should be SO focused on mine that I don’t even know, see or CARE what Karen thinks!!

This concept really struck me the other day when I was out for my morning walk/run. Now, if you know me and my story, you know that I have been a long distance runner for the last 13+ years. I ran on and off growing up as my Dad was a runner. He faithfully ran 5 miles every single day, until his knees just gave out on him. As a kid, I’d run with him to spend time with him and also to ‘train’ for our annual trek up Mount Washington, the highest peak in New England (over 6k feet in elevation). Then enter marriage, kids, a house, FT corporate career and all the things - and this momma lost sight of taking care of herself. I refound my love for running after baby #3 was born and the weight just wasn’t coming off like it did with the first two! So - I restarted my running journey and fell in LOVE. Initially I just loved the discipline of running and frankly the time out of the house to clear my head, and then later running became my way to connect with and hear from God.

Anywho - the past 13 years have been full of fits nd starts with running. Run a half marathon and then take time off to deal with a digestive issue. Start over again, build mileage and then train for a full marathon. Get sick of running and take 6 months off. Start again and train for a Ragnar. You get the picture.

Then more recently with my diagnosis, running had taken a hiatus for a bit and then here I am at the same place where I am beginning AGAIN after chemo. And then AGAIN after surgery. I hope you are seeing a pattern here.

This has constantly been my relationship with running and so many other things in my life. My career. My weight. My side businesses. So many different twists and turns. Ups and downs. Stops and starts. Nothing — absolutely NO THING - has been linear or on an upwards slope that hasn’t in some way, shape or form, come back down again.

Here was my realization with all of this…

The ONLY way to fail is to either QUIT or NOT START at all

There have been SO many times in my life where I could have gotten discouraged and just QUIT. Maybe you are in the same place. Maybe you’ve gotten away from something you used to love to do. Or perhaps you’ve started to let your health slip and you are feeling BLAH because of it.

Or maybe you’ve been wanting to DO something NEW but have let FEAR get in your way. You have allowed yourself to dream a bit, yet when it comes to taking action on that dream - you hesitate. You feel inadequate and so you just don’t.

Friend - listen here. If a dream is in your heart - if you are feeling the pull to try something new or perhaps to hit the restart button yet again - do it NOW. The biggest antidote to fear is ACTION. The longer you wait - the more you are feeding your fears. Take messy action.

My walk/runs today are HARD. I can’t do what I used to do. I can’t run as long. I can’t run as fast. BUT I’m choosing not to dwell on what I USED to be able to do and am choosing to be grateful for the simple fact that I AM RUNNING and within that - it feels good! I LOVE how my body feels when I finish. I LOVE how God talks to me out on the road. I LOVE being outside in nature and moving my body. I am choosing to focus on the JOY that comes from taking the ACTION vs. the result.

Let’s say that again.

Choose to focus on the JOY that comes from taking the action and not the result

I am praying and rooting for you!

xoxo

Tammy

How to Create Your Style Mission Statement

Hey hey sister! This summer on the Beautifully Broken Blog I’ve been spending some time walking through Christian Image Consulting (or Christian Style Coaching which I actually think I like better!) including what it’s all about and the various key components of the style assessment process. This week I’m highlighting the Style Mission Statement, which to me, is the MOST important step in the process and must happen first!

In my opinion, this step is what separates us Christian Style Coaches from the rest because it’s all about purpose and mission! The intent of the Style Statement is to identify and declare the key unique qualities and mission that God specifically created YOU for. Once you can clarity on this one statement, it then becomes the mission that you base your decisions about your life on and how you show up in the world!

Let me share my statement to help make this come to life. My Style Mission Statement is:

I am a vibrant, gracious ignitor of light!

By carefully and prayerfully selecting these words (a little on this below), this statement signifies a few things for me and shapes how I show up in the world.

VIBRANT - God created me with a certain type of energy that is vibrant and bright. I like to stand out in such a way that enables me to be a light to others. When I think about what I want to wear for the day, or who I want to be when I walk into the room - I remember this word VIBRANT as a reminder of who God created me to be and I choose to step into that!

GRACIOUS - In addition to having vibrant energy, God also created a gentle spirit in me toward others. One that is empathetic and supportive. The word GRACIOUS reminds me to live this out on a daily basis by being invested in and listening to others in a gracious and supportive way.

IGNITOR OF LIGHT - The last quality is intentionally an action verb as a call to your purpose or mission. For me, I know that God has called me to fan the flame in others. To help support and encourage other women to shine their light in the world. Being an IGNITOR OF LIGHT reminds me of my mission. When I am out and about, I want to be reminder to always look for the light in others, especially women, and call it out of them! This can happen formally through what I do as a Style Coach, but also informally at social gatherings or events, and in my friendships and everyday life. I always want to show women what they are capable of and stoke that fire!

These three words act as a daily reminder to me to live out the qualities and purpose God has created just for ME and that is what we create for YOU too through the Style Mission Statement. We do this through a process of prayer and looking at different scriptures in the bible about purpose and beauty first. You explore more about what God’s word says to you about beauty and how it applies to your own life and walk. We start here as this is a process led by the Holy Spirit and before we talk about style, clothing, body type, colors - we have to understand first where God is calling us.

Once you go through a series of scriptures, you then begin to select the words that best describe the unique qualities in YOU. This starts with choosing your two adjectives that best describe the qualities and gifts that shape how God uniquely created you. These are the two that stand out above the rest or the two key areas that you are feeling the Holy Spirit moving you to highlight.

From there, you think about your purpose and mission and what passions God has placed on your heart. Do you have a heart for children? For justice? For discipleship? For other mommas? When you think about places you feel called to serve, what does that look like? And from there, choose an action word or phrase that best describes that mission. Justice seeker. Child Protector. Disciple Creator. and so on.

Then put the three together and you have your Style Mission Statement! The application and use of this extends way beyond style and what outfit you choose every day. You can use this statement to prepare your heart when you get ready to walk into a room or situation you feel anxious about. You can use this to shift your energy when you are feeling down and discouraged. These words are anointed with the Holy Spirit and can be used as a tool to TRANSFORM your thoughts, your energy, how you carry yourself, your behavior and what you believe to be true about who you are. It’s a statement that reminds you who God created you to BE. And friend - there is NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU!! You were made to shine your light BRIGHT and this is a critical step to owning and claiming that!

This is a process you can go through on your own or I’d be honored to help facilitate it for you! If this something you are interested in, reach out to me HERE! It’s time to SHINE friend!

xoxo

Tammy

Exposed and Revealed

There are SO many things that are on my heart these days. Honestly, it’s overwhelming. I’ve really been trying to take the time to be quiet and go within. I have needed the clarity. I have needed to find my OWN voice in the topic of racism and not just follow the direction of others. And frankly, I have needed to educate myself. I don’t want to be the RAH RAH person on this. Now is not the time for me to just start ‘spewing off’ catchy phrases and popular hashtags. I want my response and more importantly my actions to be intentional and thoughtful. I want to stop, reflect, educate, LISTEN, pray & be thoughtful, and only then respond. So that is what I have been doing and here is what I am learning.

First off, change starts in our HEARTS. It is only from our hearts that we can truly affect our families, communities, nation & world. It starts with us. It starts with me. It starts with me getting super honest and vulnerable about how I am conditioned. How my life has been shaped. How little I truly know about our history, what the past 400 years have looked like for my black brothers and sisters in this country. How my status of white privilege makes me oblivious and naive to what is happening around me. And how my obliviousness actually makes me part of the problem.

It’s only from a place of vulnerability and not knowing, am I able to truly learn and begin to see and so that is where I have begun. This process of really searching deep on this topic makes me think about the Israelities wandering in the desert for 40 years. How they couldn’t get out of their own way as they sought to find the promised land and so what should have taken them 4 days, took them 40 years. Or the people of Judah who for so many years were led astray. Who sought false idols and were so far from God that they had no conscious awareness of much their own behavior was affecting their destiny and that of their ancestors.

We have been in this same place. Wandering aimlessly in this world, thinking that everything was great. That racism doesn’t exist. That black and white people are afforded the same opportunities. That in some cases black people are seen to have the advantage even. On the surface, all looks right with the world. On the surface, the people of Judah were practicing and exercising their ‘faith’ but God knew the truth. He could see what was in their HEARTS and frankly friend, it was evil.

This is where we are. Things on the surface have ‘appeared’ to be good up until these most recent events with the fatal and tragic murders of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd. The truth is starting to come out. People are starting to pay attention. Everything that activists and the black communities have been saying for years is now finally starting to get some attention. While it’s a shame it’s taken this long and that more lives have been lost, we can only take responsibility now and more forward.

Yet - nothing will change … NO THING will change until we all take the step to look within. This is a SYSTEMIC issue that is so far reaching. Unraveling this beast of a mess that makes up racism in this country is monumental and starts over 400 years ago. Honestly, I don’t have the answers nor do I pretend to act like I do. But what I am doing is trying to use my voice to make a difference so here is what I am doing to take the initial first steps.

1) Educate Myself - I am first seeking to find the truth. I strongly believe that we are only taught in school what they want us to hear. I believe the REAL story was held from us so I am seeking to learn the truth. I want to know the REAL history of slavery, racism and discrimination. How it happened, how it was dealt with, and how it still exists today. There are great resources out there that I am finding and that others have shared with me and so here are just a few. I’d love to know what you have found as well! Let’s educate each other! I have been learning through:

• The Netflix documentary - 13th

• The New Jim Crow as well as other articles and pieces written by Michelle Alexander

• 1619 podcast, by The New York Times

• Following female black influencers such as Austin Channing Brown and Lisa Sharon Harper

2) Looking Within - As I listen, read and learn, I am reflecting on MY part in this. I’m asking and praying for God to reveal to me where I have shady places in my heart where I have biases or ignorance. To take a hard look at why I haven’t done anything before now. How much easier it has been to sit back and feel like ‘everything is okay’. To ignore the problem. To be ignorant to the issue because ‘it doesn’t affect me’. How by choosing ignorance and avoidance, I have actually become part of the problem. I have been asking God to expose and reveal those dark areas of my own heart that must be addressed. That must be brought out into the light and pulled out of my heart at the ROOT.

3) Using My Voice - I can no longer sit back and just watch. That while I cannot no longer say that my small voice doesn’t matter. that is just selfish. I feel like I have been called to RISE UP and use my voice to help bring justice. It’s no longer okay for me to be a bystander in this fight. I can no longer be afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending people. I probably will. I definitely will but when God calls us to something, He calls us to step out in faith and do it anyway. Taking action is MESSY. We will get mud on our face. I definitely will get mud on my face but it’s a small sacrifice for what is at stake here.

In fact, I’m gonna step on something here but I feel like it must be addressed. If as a white person, you are tired of hearing about this topic - if your eyes have glazed over when this topic has come up in conversation - if you are tired of seeing and hearing about all of the protests & messages on the news - if you have said ‘ALL Lives Matter’ over ‘Black Lives Matter’ then let me lovingly say that you are missing the whole point. Your ignorance and refusal to dig deep here is contributing to racism in this country. I know this because this has been me. And it stops here.

Will it for you?- I love the analogy I’m hearing that relates the matter to a family dynamic. Say one of your kids is hurting. They come to you and share how they have been treated poorly. How much they are hurting and that no one is listening to them. Would you respond to them, ‘I love all my kids the same’? Of course not. You would grab them, hug them, and love on them speaking life over the uniqueness that is THEM. You would tell them all the ways they are important and that they matter. You would look into their eyes and address them PERSONALLY in order to build them up. Yes, you love all your kids the same. Yes, of course ALL lives matter. But right now friends, our black sisters and brothers are hurting and need to be HEARD. We must make the space for them. We must listen and learn. And once we listen and learn, we then must act.

It’s time to make a decision. To join the fight for justice or not. Let’s not allow ignorance and passivity to reign here. It’s a decision we all must make yet let’s be intentional about where we stand.

Beauty in the FLAWED and not the Flawless

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I never used to think I was attached to 'outer beauty’ - I mean, I like to look good (who doesn’t?!) but never thought I attached my value to it. Yet, it's one thing to agree with a concept and another to LIVE it out. It's so easy to say 'Beauty is not in how we look. It's a matter of the heart' or 'Beauty is our inner light shining through'.
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Yes - I have always believed those things! I do believe that TRUE beauty is all about your heart. How you show up and serve. Your kindness. Your gentleness. Your humility. How you care for and love on others. All of that has absolutely NOTHING to do with how we look and I agree it’s SO much more important then fitting into our jeans or whether or not we are having a bad hair day.

And then I was put to the test when I lost my hair.

I think a lot about victims of discrimination. Random acts of violence toward people because of the color of their skin. Or their religious beliefs. I can look at those things and say how unfair they are. How it is senseless and cruel that these unthinkable things still happen in our communities. And then I turn back to my very white life, never really understanding the full extent of it.

I would site scriptures about the beauty within, like the one below and I truly believe them. I really do! And then I would continue to produce my tutorials on how to create beach wave hair.

Please don’t hear me wrong here. I am not saying either case is insensitive. I believe it’s important to take a stand on things that matter to us regardless of whether or not we have had our own personal experience. But what I am saying is that the GAME CHANGES when you do.
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But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7)
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God is able to relate on a much deeper level because He created us. He does not see the color of our skin. He doesn’t not see the scars on our face. He does not see our very bald head. He ONLY sees our heart. He sees His beautiful daughter who is loving, and kind, and lovely - because that is how He created her. He sees what we cannot see. He sees the truest form of who we are. He doesn’t even see our sin. Or when we mess up. He sees ONLY beauty.

That is the work He is doing in my heart too. Helping me to see beauty BEYOND my outer appearance. Beyond my hair. Beyond my extra weight from steroids. It’s hard friends. I won’t lie to you. I am learning a ton BUT I won’t tell you this is easy. I am the same person I was before all this happened, but I don’t FEEL like the same person. I certainly don’t LOOK like the same person.

BUT I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this one on a DEEPER level because clearly God has a purpose for it. He knew what was going on in my heart. He knew that He needed to pull up some roots - roots of lies that do not serve me.
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He's pulling up the lie that I am what I look like.

That beauty comes from how I look.⠀

That my worth is external.
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All of which I knew were lies, yet were still lingering in my heart and holding me hostage.

He knew these lies needed to GO and I can feel changes he is making in my heart and while it's not been easy, I am so grateful that He loves me enough to see me through this. Following His truths is definitely NOT the easy way, but it's SO worth it. Honestly, it's been what is sustaining me through this journey!

People have asked me, “How is it that you can stay so strong and positive through this journey?’ First of all - they don’t live with me! Ha! They only see what I share and while I do try to be real, the raw truth is in the day to day mundane.

It’s in how I struggle to walk around my own house without a hat on.

Or how I keep my video off when on conference calls for work.

Or how quarantining makes it easy to hide and justify it!

I certainly have not been without struggles - THAT is for sure and I certainly have not handled everything perfectly but my faith has made ALL the difference. In the moments when I have gotten discouraged, or anxious, or filled with fear - calling out to God has been my lifeline. While my day to day may be a bit bumpy, it’s my faith that keeps me focused on the big picture. The one where I KNOW that everything will work together my good and His glory and THAT is all that matters!

How to Defeat Overwhelm

Overwhelm is something I have battled throughout the years of my adult life. In my quest to earn the approval of others through achievement and success, fighting feelings of overwhelm is something I have known intimately well. While I have made progress in this area, this continues to be something God is working in my heart. That is why I loved this blog post from my friend and colleague, Kelli Garms. Kelli is an educator, writer and bible study teacher who takes every day concepts and lines them up with scripture to get to the heart of the matter. Her blog post below spoke directly to me!

You can check out Kelli’s blog directly here at: https://www.kelligarms.com/blog/

And stay tuned for her upcoming series on how to Study the Bible! Go to www.kelligarms.com for more information!

Enjoy!

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I was recently reminded that overwhelm happens for one of two reasons:

1. You  are doing more than God asked you to do, or

2. You are trying to do it in your own strength.

The first step in defeating overwhelm is to figure out which one of these two things is causing it. Did He ask you to do everything you’re doing? Have you taken something on without asking Him about it? Did you commit to doing something because you were intimidated or afraid to say “no”? If you’re not sure, ask Him. He will gladly show you what is on your plate that He didn’t put there.

If you can unequivocally say He called you to everything you’re doing, then ask Him to give you the strength to complete the task. You can’t do it in your own strength, and He doesn’t want you to try. He wants to show you that, when you lean into Him, you’ll never run out of energy, focus, or desire to complete the task. He’s waiting to help you; just let Him.

Here’s the catch: you have to be willing to give up the things He didn’t ask you to do, and you have to relinquish control if He did call you to it. This is much easier said than done, but again, He will give you the wisdom and strength to do both if you ask Him.

Beauty Trumps Pretty Hands Down

My heart sank as I walked by the mirror. Up until that moment, I had forgotten I didn’t have any hair. I had been going about my day, doing what I do. Working. Creating. Editing. Sharing ideas. Knocking things off my To Do List. I felt good physically and had good energy. It was a GOOD day! Then …. I had my moment in the mirror. I immediately lost my joy. The fact that I had cancer came rushhhhhing back into my thoughts and my being. BLECH.

Have you ever been there, friend?

Have you gone about your day, feeling good and feeling joyful, and then you walk by the mirror and BAM - your energy and joy is immediately sucked out of your body?

I know. ME TOO. Even without cancer.

We are so critical and so OVERLY aware of our bodies. We place SO much value on what is happening on the outside that it can be all consuming. It immediately dismisses or erases every single thing we have done, who we have served, who we ARE. Don’t you hate that? When our whole disposition goes down the tubes because we’ve don’t like our thighs, or we’ve put on a little weight, or our jeans don’t fit, or we feel like we look like a freak without hair. You get the picture.

Why do we do that to ourselves, friend? WHAT IS OUR DEAL?

Here is what I know for sure, friend. We have been led astray. The pressures of this world to be and look a certain way as crept into our BEING. Maybe it was from a comment someone made to you back in 9th grade about ‘looking like a pig’ or maybe it was the way the other girls looked at you when you changed for gym class. Or maybe it was the nickname of thunder thighs that your Dad (love you Dad!) gave you. Perhaps it’s the way you ‘think’ your husband avoids caressing or holding onto your ‘fluffy’ areas when you are intimate or the look he gives you when you grab a bowl of ice cream before bed.

Then add in the images we see all over social media, TV and print ads that over glamorizes what healthy and beautiful looks like. The way our feeds have been overcome with botox injections, fake bushy eyebrows (what the heck is with that trend?) or have you seen the ads for the exercise equipment where the girl is running full speed UP HILL with perfect posture, a smile on her face and then dances when it’s done???? COME ON!! Don’t even get me started with this year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show.

We take all of these images of what society tells us beautiful looks like and take that on as an expectation - a bar set that we can NEVER reach! Because of that expectation, we look for evidence constantly of where we don’t measure up. How we feel like our husbands are not attracted to us anymore because of how we look and we immediately create scenarios of how we see that to be true. The hand placement. The look he gives. THEN WE GET MAD AT HIM. Lord, have mercy.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Here is what I’m learning, friend - NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE REAL.

The image of perfect body? NOT REAL (as much as I commend J Lo - this is NOT the standard)

A perfectly shaped brow? NOT REAL

Running Uphill is easy and enjoyable? DEFINITELY NOT REAL

We, as women, are made perfectly in HIS image. He created us to be living, breathing beings in a body that is intended to help us fulfill the purpose He gave us. The body itself is not to be praised. What is to be praised is the real reason we are here - to fulfill His purpose on our life and to glorify HIM. To radiate His love from the inside out.

End of story.

Let’s stop getting it wrong, shall we?

Not to say that having a healthy body is not critical - it is! Our body needs to be working WITH us and not against us, so it’s important that we take care of it. Nurture it. Treat it like the beautiful vessel that it is to help us fulfill our purpose.

But our bodies are not the point.

Perfect eyebrows are not the point.

Thin thighs and six pack abs are not the point.

Being able to run on mission for the glory of God is the point!

Friend - when we put Jesus first in our lives, we learn how to slowly turn the tide of what we view important and critical. I won’t lie and say that I don’t struggle with the idea of being PRETTY by the world’s standards. I still cringe at the size of my thighs and struggle with my baldness. BUT I’m learning how to fill my heart with more truths about what true beauty is all about.

The condition of my heart.

The love I give to others.

The calling on my life that I’m fulfilling.

It is more important to me that the imprint I leave on this lifetime has more to do with the love of Jesus that radiates from my heart, then being another pretty face.

THAT to me is way more beautiful. Wouldn’t ya say? Who is IN with me?

xoxo

Tammy

10 KEY Lessons that 2019 Taught Me

Special NOTE to My Readers: I wrote this blog in the waiting room while waiting for medical test results which brought a whole new level of reality to this post. I have contemplated even sharing because it all seems so less important now yet God whispered to me, ‘Now this is even MORE important.’ Remember friends - at the end of the day we only need to account for whether or not we lived the life that God purposed us with and whether we fully loved along the way. Nothing else matters. I hope these lessons resonate with you as much as they did for me as you look forward into 2020. xoxo

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I used to be a goal setting girl. I was all about creating BIG lofty goals and dreams to make this new year MY year - the one year where everything changes! Where I make all of my dreams come true! But to be quite honest, now that all just makes me tired. . God has been healing me of my performance based mentality for quite a few years now and while I am NO WHERE NEAR anything that remotely resembles awesome at this - I have in fact made some progress! Thank you Jesus! One of my mastermind friends asked me recently how I have done this - what specifically have I DONE to make progress in this area of letting go of seeking worth through performance. I had to sit on that message for quite a while actually and really think and pray on it. What it comes down to is 2 things: 1) JESUS and 2) Developing my CHARACTER. Asking myself if I’m DOING the things that I really say are the most important to me. In other words - am I walking my talk? Because if I SAY that my family is most important, yet I always have my head buried in my laptop or phone, then I’m chasing worthiness via performance and I’m NOT living my best life.

That got me to thinking…while this was a KEY lesson for me in 2019, what were some others? So I opened up my journal and began to make this list of all the beautiful goodness 2019 has blessed me with (some in some pretty crappy dressing!) as I turned the page on this last decade. I hope and pray that you find something here that pulls a string or two in your heart too!

1. Make the People Important to ME a PRIORITY - as I mentioned, this one was a biggie. I definitely wasn’t perfect, yet what became crystal clear to me is that I needed to spend my time pouring into the people and relationships that mattered most to me and scaling back on those that don’t. This isn’t always an easy choice though. It’s not about a choice between those I love and toxic people. I had done some work in this area already and really put up some boundaries around those that had been toxic to me in the past, yet here I’m talking about nice people. People you care about yet may be in your outer circle vs. your inner circle. People who may be reaching out to you for coffee or a walk and while that might be nice, I had to remember that every time I’m saying YES to one person, I may be saying NO to another and I had to ensure that those that are my true PEEPS were getting the best ME.

2. Speak My Truth (even if it’s unpopular or unwelcomed) - there were several situations that took place this year that I had to take a step back and really advocate for myself and what I thought was right. One related to my job and the other my business. In both cases, the conversations were difficult yet in order to be integritous to ME and the person God created me to be, I had to speak my truth. I’ll be honest though - doing so did cost me greatly - it affected my business in a big way and it also affected my reputation in my job, yet NOT speaking up would have cost me even greater. I don’t regret either decision and I believe still today it was the right thing. A perfect example of how ‘going with the flow’ and not listening to that still small voice telling you otherwise can cost you GREATER than the discomfort of speaking your truth. Silence IS deadly

3. Keep Things Simple, Easy & Fun - y’all I am the QUEEN of overthinking things. Of making things way MORE than they need to be. For goodness sake, I’m the girl who had to sign up for a MARATHON in order to feel ‘justified’ in taking my family to Hawaii for my 50th birthday! Don’t get me wrong, running the race with my 2 oldest was AMAZING and a memory I will cherish forever - yet, that is just a case in point for the over achiever in me. Such a lesson in really keeping things fun and easy - in my life, in my relationships, in my work, in my business, in my workout routine - everything!

4. Be Okay with Saying NO (or even with backing out of things! GASP!) - I’ve been working on this for quite some time and while my first instinct is to say yes to EVERYTHING, I have been getting better at this one. Stepping down from a lead volunteer role at my church. Backing out of coffee or lunch with a friend when I have an overloaded schedule. Taking time off from bible study group. It’s all OKAY! Keeping commitments and maintaining relationships are important, yet NOT at the sacrifice of your own inner peace and joy.

5. Surround Myself with People Who Challenge Me - Oooh this was a really fun one in 2019. I joined a few community groups that include some ambitious women killing it in the online business space and I am soaking and learning as much as I absolutely can from them. Not in a comparison type way, but moreso in way that is building alongside them yet staying in my own lane along the way! It has been the most fun and most rewarding thing I have done. I have worked with a spiritual and business coach. I participated in two mastermind groups. I joined a business community group and have intentionally surrounded myself with women what are pulling me HIGHER.

6. Be in Partnership with My Partner - This is a biggie friends. Again, I’m not perfect at this yet I saw progress and growth in relationship with my husband this year when I have been more intentional about investing time and energy into our relationship. Sharing things. Spending time on dates. Going for a walk. Committing to making and having conversation over dinner. Having more sex (okay - that is still a work in progress!!). Just being more intimate in general - Ooooooh and laughing and having fun with one another! Being silly! This is so so important!!

7. Slowing Down - I have had to force myself at this one and frankly it has been baby steps but doing things throughout my day to PAUSE has been a game changer. Taking the dogs for a walk mid-day during the workweek. Getting outside - even if just for a few minutes to feel the sunshine on my face and BREATHE. Running an errand to break up the day. Taking deep breaths. Again - not perfect, but on the days when I remember to do these things and am intentional about it - I can truly feel a difference in my energy level. It forces me to be PRESENT and in the moment too!

8. Make Conscious Decisions vs. Going with the Flow - I think this is one of my FAVs. Seriously a game changer. This goes along with speaking my mind and not being afraid of saying NO but is worthy of a class of it’s own. This one is all about the PIVOT. When you’ve been doing something for so long that it’s expected of you, yet there is this little inkling in your soul that is pulling you in a different direction - PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!! This showed up in a few ways for me things year. A few simple examples were making the decision NOT to put up a Christmas Tree and also NOT to attend Christmas Eve service this year - both things that I’ve done for YEARS yet this year I just didn’t want the hustle nor rushing of all things Christmas so option to make a different decision. It’s SO important to consciously decide what is best vs. just doing things because you have always done them!

9. Learn & Grow yet Be Careful Not to Over Consume - y’all, I am a learner at heart. Give me all the podcasts, tools, courses, etc. I LOVE a wonderful retreat, sermon, class yet I have learned that when I’m SO busy consuming and listening, I am not doing enough of my own THINKING & CREATING. I have had to scale back on who I listen to and for what topics. I have found that I have needed to filer out those who don’t align with my values & philosophies. I have had to ‘clean up’ what I consume and listen to and keep focused on my own progress!

10. Don’t Trivialize my Gifting - yet Celebrate and USE Them - this was a biggie for me this year. I have loved what I’ve been doing in my business with hair and now skin, yet my heart is with Style & Fashion. I judged that at first since it seemed so trivial. What possibly could God do with that - I wondered. Yet, what I failed to realize at first is that God can use ALL things. WHAT we do doesn’t matter, it’s the heart behind it! AND God gifted me with skills and interests that are unique and special AND I’m finding that many women (particularly Christian Women) really struggle in this area and so if I can do something I love AND help other women then BOOM - I’m there!

Friends - like I said, I have not done all of these well yet these are lessons that I am continuing to learn going into 2020 and now more than ever, I am determined to fully live the life that God has blessed me with and live it to it’s fullest!

I would love to hear what messages/lessons you are carrying into 2020 so drop me a comment below or shoot me a message!

In Style & Grace,

Tammy

Style Rules and the Pharisees...

Do you remember flipping to the back end of Glamour magazine and checking out the Glamour Do’s and Don’ts of fashion? That used to be my very favorite section of the magazine to see what they were classifying as ‘Don’ts’ and hopefully there wasn’t anything listed there that I had done or tried! I’m not sure if that column still exists or even what the status of the magazine is these days yet I’m always so blown away at how critical these fashion guru’s can be. Or how about the People magazine ‘awards’ edition where they do a review of each of the celebs and the gowns worn on the red carpet. I always loved seeing the eclectic styles and particularly loved seeing celebrities stretch the bounds of fashion. I loved seeing their individual personalities displayed in such a daring way! The risky cuts, colors, hair styles. I love the courageousness of it all. Using fashion to self express and show the world who you are, regardless of what the critics say.

Growing up, I’ve gone through so many of my own phases of style and fashion. When I’m truly embracing who I am and stepping into that, I’ve been drawn to more bold selections. Sometimes they worked for me. Sometimes they didn’t. Yet - the result didn’t matter. What mattered was how I felt. How MY personality was able to shine through. How I was able to fully embrace my uniqueness and the woman God created me to be. Sometimes that means selecting the bowling shoes to go with a fun outfit. Sometimes it meant opting for the leopard print skirt at the work meeting. Sometimes it meant grabbing the leather jacket and concert tee at a church event. Sometimes I would get the look. You know the one….the eye glance up and then the eye glance down. Occasionally I would even the comment here and there. I won’t say that they never effected me. They did! Yet I tried to never lose sight of what was important to ME.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about style rules and critics who turn their nose up at selections that stretch the boundaries or don’t fit the fold. Back to the Glamour ‘Don’ts’ section where the faces were blurred out, yet the columnist would share all the reasons why their outfit selection was BAD. Why it didn’t work. It made me think about the Pharisees in the bible. How the Pharisees are a lot like the style and fashion critics. How they are looking for rules to follow and live by. How anything that falls outside of those rules are considered wrong and they aren’t afraid of vocalizing it. From a societal sense, the Pharisees carry a respected position. They contain the education, knowledge, and influence to hold a position of authority. And just like the style critic, anyone or anything that does not follow that same line of thinking or practice is something they ‘call out’, often times in ridicule. Thinking that their way was the ONLY way.

Yet, Jesus never allowed the Pharisees to influence His mission or ministry. I loved how He called them out and would point out why their way of thinking was so narrow and limited. Clearly missing the point. He wasn’t disrespectful; yet was clear. He didn’t give them any of His energy, nor did He allow it to distract Him. He pushed the boundaries on their way of thinking. He drew outside the lines. Jesus knew who He was, why He was there, and what purpose He served. No Pharisee was going to convince him differently. He was on mission and everything He did was in alignment with that.

Friend - God is calling you to do the same. He is calling you to be who He created you to be, unapologetically. He is calling you to DO the thing you were created to do. He is calling you to SERVE and LOVE in a way that only YOU can.

Wear the crazy outfit. Do the crazy thing. Love & serve in the crazy way. Don’t let the critics distract you. Don’t let anyone tell you what box you need to fit in. Don’t try to be like everyone else. YOU be YOU in every sense of the word.

No rules.

No critics.

No fashion Don’ts.

Just you walking in the way that Jesus is calling you. 100% all in.

It’s time.

I’m doing the same too. I’m walking right beside you. Drowning out the voices of the critics and keeping my eyes locked on Him.

xoxo

In Style & Grace,

Tammy

Standing in the GAP

I had arrived to the office a little early to make sure I was well prepared for the meeting. I reviewed the slides, walked through my approach. Yet something just felt off. As I sat there in the cafeteria waiting to be ‘called’ into the meeting, I felt so raw. I felt vulnerable. Exposed. Uneasy. Tears started to stream down my face as I closed my eyes and prayed.

Help me, Lord. I feel so vulnerable here, Lord. I know you have a plan for me. I know you have me. I know you are with me, Lord. Help me to keep my eyes focused on you.

For the past few years, I have known that my passion is no longer in my work in Corporate America. There was a time in my life when I felt so driven by this work. Where I was all about working hard, proving who I was and what I could do. A time when having the exposure to lead a meeting like this would excite me. An opportunity to shine in front of key ‘decision makers’ was huge. And today, I just felt empty. As I waited to be called in, I felt FAKE. I felt myself on edge as I waited for my ‘turn’. I called upon my bible study sisters to say a prayer for me. To cover me in His presence as I navigated through this meeting.

Praise God that He met me there. I knew He would. The meeting went fine and I got through it. Yet as it was happening, I felt like such an outsider. I was used to that feeling in Corporate. It is a very common situation where you have to prove your ‘worth’ before being accepted. In every situation, meeting, or presentation you are being evaluated. And so so many times before this, I have eaten it up. I CRAVED that approval. I NEEDED that acceptance in order to feel worthy. I NEEDED the meeting to go okay in order to BE okay. Yet this time, it felt different. I felt like I no longer fit. Like I no longer fit the mold. Now - don’t get me wrong, Corporate America in and of itself is not bad. There are many wonderful companies and many wonderful people, and I am fortunate to be surrounded by people who are honest and trustworthy. This change in me has nothing to do with them. I just know that for ME - this environment is no longer serving me. I no longer am driven by the need to perform which is GOOD NEWS yet performance and results is the very nature by which corporations exist!

As I drove home, I prayed and prayed for God to show me His vision. If this environment no longer served me, to help me to stay focused on HIM as I continue to walk out my path. Right now I’m stuck between two worlds. The reality of what IS and the vision is what is yet to come. Even though my current environment no longer serves me, I am not at a point where I am released from it yet. And so my prayer was for God to show me how to walk this out.

God pointed me to the story of Joseph in Genesis. There was so many twists and turns in Joseph’s life, despite God’s vision for him. He was beaten and sold to slavery by his brothers. He was wrongly accused of something and was jailed for years before finally stepping into his leadership role and saving Egypt from the famine that was coming. How despite the fact that God revealed to Joseph that he would lead a nation, the journey to get there was anything but easy and pleasant. How Joseph needed to endure. To persevere. To walk out his current reality. To keep his eyes on his Heavenly Father while he was standing in the gap of where he was in reality vs. the vision of where he knew God was leading him to.

While I haven’t been wrongly accused and I’m certainly not claiming that my current situation is like being in jail, to be in a situation that you KNOW no longer serves you, can feel like that sometimes. Yet God is calling me to trust him, while I stand in the gap. While he is preparing me and circumstances around me to enable the vision of what He has for me to fully come to life. That I just need to trust Him. In HIS timing, not mine, things will fall into place as they need to. In the meantime, my only job is to keep my eyes focused on Him. To do the things I need to do to prepare. To be obedient when He calls. To hang back and not try to do things in my own strength. To allow Him to work vs. force things to happen.

Friend - maybe you too are standing in the gap. Maybe He has given you a vision of what He is calling you to, yet your current reality is very different. Please know this - you are NOT alone. SO many before us have been there too, like Joseph. And if you too are going through this now like me, I am praying for you friend. I am praying that you stay rooted in Him. That you find peace in the waiting. That the vision of what is to come will sustain you during the ‘middle’. We are in this together, friend. If this is in fact you, I’d love to hear from you! I’d love for you to respond or send me an e-mail at tammy@mstammyhickey.com. We need to stick together and hold up each other’s arms during this time. To stay encouraged and stand firm in His promises. Are you in?

In Style & Grace,

Tammy

What does beauty look like to you?

I have been doing a LOT of work in the area of FEELING beautiful from the inside out and friends, and I finally feel like I’m at a point where God has been breaking chains! Let me be clear - I’m not out of the woods completely! There is a LOT of baggage in the area of body image that I’ve carried over the years and I still have skeletons in my closet yet my load is so much more lighter than it has been in the past! Praise God!!

To get to this point - it’s really been a journey, friends. I have had to lay down SO many things! Old stories that I have needed to LET GO of and new truths that I’ve needed to replace them with. Truths about who I REALLY am and where my worth comes from. What I choose to expose myself to and who I choose to surround myself with. What I pour into my body, mind and spirit.

Here is a quick hit list of what I stopped doing and what I started doing instead:

I STOPPED:

• Weighing myself incessantly. I can’t remember the last time I stepped on a scale.

• Tracking my food or counting calories

• Dieting all together

• Trying to ‘look the part’ - whatever form that took (e.g. runner, fitness instructor, corporate career woman)

• Caring about how fast I was or what my pacing was on a run (I recently fired my running coach! Not because she wasn’t awesome - but because I just couldn’t follow a program without being obsessive)

• Saying yes to ‘all the things’ because I didn’t want to let anyone down

• Doing things out of guilt

INSTEAD I:

• Eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full

• Practice balance - nourish my body with good things while also enjoying treats and things that I love to eat

• Practice joy when I run. I am getting back to why I love to run to begin with - and that is to be closer to and talk with God. I love listening to sermons and podcasts when I run, yet I also love to run in silence to listen to and talk with God

• Celebrate my uniqueness and relish in doing/being ‘different’ - by practicing loving my strong thick legs that carry me through all the miles or by wearing the leopard satin skirt to the office!

• Fill my mind and spirit with the truths of the bible every morning that tell me who I am, why I was created, what my purpose is, and how loved I am - JUST as I AM

• Spend the time I have with those I love the most and those that give me energy (vs. deplete it!)

• Practice letting my ‘yes’ be my BEST yes and letting my ‘no’ be a firm no

Y’all - while these shifts have been absolutely amazing to FINALLY be feeling progress - please know that they are still a work in progress! I have days where I get frustrated if I’m feeling a little bloated and want to immediately join weight watchers. OR when I find myself saying ‘yes’ to something that I really did not want to do.. YET - over time, I can FEEL myself feeling SO much more confident in who I am and in my TRUE worth which honestly, feels BEAUTIFUL.

I recently asked friends, family, community members, and those on social media - this question: What does beauty mean to you? What does ‘beautiful’ look and feel like? Here are a few responses I received back:

Genuine

Confident

Powerful

Comfortable

Flow

Strength

Joy

Grace

Integrity

Inner Beauty

Poise

Love

Innocence

Healed

Gratitude

Kindness

Selflessness

Messy

Redemption

Soulful

Unconditional love

Respect

Can we just stop for a minute and take all of this in?

Absolutely NONE of these words or concepts has anything to do with the size of your jeans, if your hair is frizzy, or how fast you run. Every single concept here is a reflection of who you ARE on the INSIDE. Because who you are on the INSIDE is what radiates OUT to the world.

When you see a beautiful woman - take a moment and stop to really look into her eyes and gaze a bit into her soul. Look at how she moves and how she carries herself. Looks at how she interacts with others. Look at how she acknowledges others. Do you see that same beauty? Does it captivate you? Do you see the deep love of Christ in her? Do you see the beautiful light of her soul?

THAT, my friends, is what TRUE BEAUTY is all about. We are ALL a work in progress. Yet, for me - my prayers these days are more about my character and the love in my heart than about the size of my jeans. If this is you too, or if you too would like to join me on this journey toward beauty from the inside out, then download this quick printable here on 5 ways you can do just that!

xoxo

What is a REAL Woman?

NOTE: This blog is repurposed from the Tallie Row Blog

Recently I shared our boutique's mission of offering REAL clothes to REAL women with REAL bodies within a networking group and was asked the question, 'What does that mean?  What is REAL?'   I had to pause for a second and reflect on it, to be honest.  Of course, every woman is REAL.  Every body is REAL.  I knew what our intent was with our mission, yet it was never meant to insinuate that some women and some body types were not real.  It wasn't intended to bash anyone or anything.

And so I paused...and asked myself the same question.  What DID I mean?

I think there is a stigma attached to boutique shopping.  I also think there is a stigma attached to social selling.  When I look around at some of the premier boutiques and also some of the highest traffic sites or social media accounts, they may be *visually* appealing, but quite honestly they are not an accurate representation of the average American woman.

* our lives are not perfectly manicured like the IG feeds would have them look

* our homes are not spotless or staged for the perfect 'newsfeed' worthy photo or IG story

* our kids are not perfectly behaved, nor are they in matching clothes

* and frankly the average size of the American woman is NOT a 2 or a 4 - it's a 14

We wanted to create and foster a platform and message that speaks to the average (aka REAL) woman who is beautiful just as she is, without the perfectly manicured life, home, and body.  We also wanted her to know that she IS welcome and she WILL find things that fit her here - for any occasion. 

I love that social media and social selling is widening the spectrum of beauty, yet I think we need to do MORE to foster and encourage it.  No one wants nor likes perfect.  Perfect isn't real.  We want women to show up just as they are - messy house, mismatched kids, beautiful body and ALL.

So that is what we mean by REAL women with REAL bodies and REAL lives.  Those that may be messy, may be a bit chaotic, definitely are not perfect, but are filled with honesty, truth and most of all love.

The 5 Truths of REAL Beauty

Y'all - I have fought the good fight when it comes to loving my body and appreciating what God gave me.  I have NEVER had it easy in this department.  The first time I remember feeling bigger than other girls was when I was 6 at camp.  I have always been hearty and thick - feeling so much more clunky then my petite little friends.  I am sad to say that it was a huge part of my insecurities growing up which has continued into adulthood.  

Even now, I wish I could tell you that I because I am saved by grace and have the love of God in me and in my heart - that I am delivered from this but that would not be true.  It's still a daily battle I fight.  The enemy knows my vulnerabilities and will take EVERY opportunity to use them against me.  To keep me small.  To keep me distracted.

You see, for me - beauty had always been defined outwardly.  How I looked.  What I wore.  How others perceived me.  When I was young, Mom used to dress me in cute dresses, patent leather shoes, and pig tails.  I was her pride and joy.  Her one and only little girl.  Later in my teen years or even into my adulthood, my Mom used to ask, 'Are you going to wear that?'  meaning....go change into something more suitable.   Appearances were big in my family.  How I looked was definitely a part of my identity from a very young age and that spilled over into adulthood.  

Appearance and caring too much about how we look and how people perceive us is such a slippery slope friends.  On the one hand, it's not a bad thing to want to look nice and present yourself in a certain way.  Yet on the other hand, we must be careful not to let it overtake us to the point where it can become an idol.  Our identity.  How we define ourselves.  When we place TOO much worth into our worldly flesh, we will ALWAYS be disappointed.

According to Websters, beauty is defined as follows : the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit 

Beauty in and of itself is something that God gifted us with.  When He created us in his image, He stepped back and said 'it is good'.  God only creates beauty.  Everything He puts His hands on creates goodness and love.  Everything He creates brings pleasure.  God *IS* the definition of beauty.  This is the FIRST thing we must remember.   

1. Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

This is our first TRUTH, friends.  That God is good and wonderful and everything He creates is good and wonderful.   Take a moment and let that sink in!  God does not create trash!  He does not create things that are no good!  He is the author of beauty and that is all He sees when He looks at you!   Yet, we have to be careful of this though don't we?  Just like we can get carried away with HOW we look, that is not how God sees beauty.  I love this scripture from 1st Samuel, which is our TRUTH nugget #2:

2. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

When God was looking for a new king, Samuel presented only the sons that he thought 'fit the bill'.  Those that were strong, experienced, looked the part.  Yet God beckoned Samuel to bring David in from tending sheep, noting he was the one!  Much to Samuel's surprise, God was not using the same evaluation system for selecting a King.  It wasn't about posture, strength, or looking the part.  It was about the HEART.  God saw something in David, the young sheperd boy, that even his father did not see.  That is because God sees us and judges us differently.    Just like He sees something in YOU and in me, that our loved ones don't see.  That we can't even see in ourselves.  He looks at our character.  He looks at our potential.  He knows the purpose we were created here to serve and He breathes life into that - if we let him.  So how do we do that?  Let's talk about TRUTH #3:

3. 1 Peter 3: 3-4  Let your true beauty come from your inner personality, not a focus on the external.  For lasting beauty comes from a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is previous in God's sight and is much more important than the outward adornment of elaborate hair, jewelry, and fine clothes.

I believe that one of the greatest things we can learn about beauty as women, can be found in this scripture right here.  Beauty is not about how we look, what we wear, what size we are.  TRUE beauty is found in what flows out of our hearts.  It is found in how we shine bright for Jesus.  Think about someone you know who just glows with love for Christ.  Doesn't she just light up a room?  Doesn't her smile just spread joy?  Don't you just melt in her arms when she hugs you as if Jesus is hugging you himself?  THIS is what this scripture is all about.  It has absolutely NOTHING to do with our hair, or jewelry or what we wear.  That doesn't mean all of those are wrong (I mean - a killer outfit from Marshall's is my JAM!! and I'm in LOVE with my hair care line) yet it does not define who we are and it certainly does not define our beauty.  Our beauty comes from how much our heart is filled with a love for Jesus SO much that it spills out onto others.  

4. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

You see - THAT is what the Proverbs 31 woman is all about.  It's not about what she accomplishes nor how early she gets up to perform her duties.  What sets her apart is the love she has for her Jesus.  It is *through* that love that enables her to do all the things.  The first few times I read these sets of scriptures in Proverbs 31, my thought was 'how exhausting!'  You see, I was seeing all of the things listed as a set of tasks to be done.  A super long To Do list that we must complete in order to demonstrate how much we love Jesus.  In order to earn His love back.  You see, I had it all wrong!  It was her LOVE for Jesus and how she *sought* Him in all she did that demonstrated her true beauty.   BIG difference.  I've since been learning to strive less and love more.  A woman who strives is not a woman who glows with love for Jesus.  In fact, she appears unapproachable.  She barely slows down to connect with others.  Yet a woman who loves....well, she just welcomes you in!  I'm working on the loving part (I tend to be an introverted and awkward person if I don't know you) yet in my prayer time, I've been seeking his hand in this area.  Asking him to teach me how to love unconditionally.  To help me fill up with His love for me SO much that it overflows and spills on to others.  THAT is what I aspire to be!!!  A woman overflowing with a love for Jesus! 

5. Song of Songs 4:7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

And finally darling friend - this beautiful truth from Song of Songs.   Remember - God makes NO mistakes.  He created you as a flawless human being.  Now hear me - that most certainly does not mean perfect.  No human is perfect.  Only Jesus is perfect.  Yet when He looks at you, you sees only His goodness.  He sees the flawless beauty He created.  He sees you just like Jesus and white as snow.  Soak that in for a moment friend.  He created you flawlessly and that is how He sees you.  

Beautiful.

Worthy.

Flawless.

Even though we do not deserve His love in this way, He freely gives it, asking absolutely nothing in return.  Receive that friend.  Receive what He is freely giving you.  

In His Name,

tammy