10 KEY Lessons that 2019 Taught Me
Special NOTE to My Readers: I wrote this blog in the waiting room while waiting for medical test results which brought a whole new level of reality to this post. I have contemplated even sharing because it all seems so less important now yet God whispered to me, ‘Now this is even MORE important.’ Remember friends - at the end of the day we only need to account for whether or not we lived the life that God purposed us with and whether we fully loved along the way. Nothing else matters. I hope these lessons resonate with you as much as they did for me as you look forward into 2020. xoxo
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I used to be a goal setting girl. I was all about creating BIG lofty goals and dreams to make this new year MY year - the one year where everything changes! Where I make all of my dreams come true! But to be quite honest, now that all just makes me tired. . God has been healing me of my performance based mentality for quite a few years now and while I am NO WHERE NEAR anything that remotely resembles awesome at this - I have in fact made some progress! Thank you Jesus! One of my mastermind friends asked me recently how I have done this - what specifically have I DONE to make progress in this area of letting go of seeking worth through performance. I had to sit on that message for quite a while actually and really think and pray on it. What it comes down to is 2 things: 1) JESUS and 2) Developing my CHARACTER. Asking myself if I’m DOING the things that I really say are the most important to me. In other words - am I walking my talk? Because if I SAY that my family is most important, yet I always have my head buried in my laptop or phone, then I’m chasing worthiness via performance and I’m NOT living my best life.
That got me to thinking…while this was a KEY lesson for me in 2019, what were some others? So I opened up my journal and began to make this list of all the beautiful goodness 2019 has blessed me with (some in some pretty crappy dressing!) as I turned the page on this last decade. I hope and pray that you find something here that pulls a string or two in your heart too!
Make the People Important to ME a PRIORITY - as I mentioned, this one was a biggie. I definitely wasn’t perfect, yet what became crystal clear to me is that I needed to spend my time pouring into the people and relationships that mattered most to me and scaling back on those that don’t. This isn’t always an easy choice though. It’s not about a choice between those I love and toxic people. I had done some work in this area already and really put up some boundaries around those that had been toxic to me in the past, yet here I’m talking about nice people. People you care about yet may be in your outer circle vs. your inner circle. People who may be reaching out to you for coffee or a walk and while that might be nice, I had to remember that every time I’m saying YES to one person, I may be saying NO to another and I had to ensure that those that are my true PEEPS were getting the best ME.
Speak My Truth (even if it’s unpopular or unwelcomed) - there were several situations that took place this year that I had to take a step back and really advocate for myself and what I thought was right. One related to my job and the other my business. In both cases, the conversations were difficult yet in order to be integritous to ME and the person God created me to be, I had to speak my truth. I’ll be honest though - doing so did cost me greatly - it affected my business in a big way and it also affected my reputation in my job, yet NOT speaking up would have cost me even greater. I don’t regret either decision and I believe still today it was the right thing. A perfect example of how ‘going with the flow’ and not listening to that still small voice telling you otherwise can cost you GREATER than the discomfort of speaking your truth. Silence IS deadly
Keep Things Simple, Easy & Fun - y’all I am the QUEEN of overthinking things. Of making things way MORE than they need to be. For goodness sake, I’m the girl who had to sign up for a MARATHON in order to feel ‘justified’ in taking my family to Hawaii for my 50th birthday! Don’t get me wrong, running the race with my 2 oldest was AMAZING and a memory I will cherish forever - yet, that is just a case in point for the over achiever in me. Such a lesson in really keeping things fun and easy - in my life, in my relationships, in my work, in my business, in my workout routine - everything!
Be Okay with Saying NO (or even with backing out of things! GASP!) - I’ve been working on this for quite some time and while my first instinct is to say yes to EVERYTHING, I have been getting better at this one. Stepping down from a lead volunteer role at my church. Backing out of coffee or lunch with a friend when I have an overloaded schedule. Taking time off from bible study group. It’s all OKAY! Keeping commitments and maintaining relationships are important, yet NOT at the sacrifice of your own inner peace and joy.
Surround Myself with People Who Challenge Me - Oooh this was a really fun one in 2019. I joined a few community groups that include some ambitious women killing it in the online business space and I am soaking and learning as much as I absolutely can from them. Not in a comparison type way, but moreso in way that is building alongside them yet staying in my own lane along the way! It has been the most fun and most rewarding thing I have done. I have worked with a spiritual and business coach. I participated in two mastermind groups. I joined a business community group and have intentionally surrounded myself with women what are pulling me HIGHER.
Be in Partnership with My Partner - This is a biggie friends. Again, I’m not perfect at this yet I saw progress and growth in relationship with my husband this year when I have been more intentional about investing time and energy into our relationship. Sharing things. Spending time on dates. Going for a walk. Committing to making and having conversation over dinner. Having more sex (okay - that is still a work in progress!!). Just being more intimate in general - Ooooooh and laughing and having fun with one another! Being silly! This is so so important!!
Slowing Down - I have had to force myself at this one and frankly it has been baby steps but doing things throughout my day to PAUSE has been a game changer. Taking the dogs for a walk mid-day during the workweek. Getting outside - even if just for a few minutes to feel the sunshine on my face and BREATHE. Running an errand to break up the day. Taking deep breaths. Again - not perfect, but on the days when I remember to do these things and am intentional about it - I can truly feel a difference in my energy level. It forces me to be PRESENT and in the moment too!
Make Conscious Decisions vs. Going with the Flow - I think this is one of my FAVs. Seriously a game changer. This goes along with speaking my mind and not being afraid of saying NO but is worthy of a class of it’s own. This one is all about the PIVOT. When you’ve been doing something for so long that it’s expected of you, yet there is this little inkling in your soul that is pulling you in a different direction - PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!! This showed up in a few ways for me things year. A few simple examples were making the decision NOT to put up a Christmas Tree and also NOT to attend Christmas Eve service this year - both things that I’ve done for YEARS yet this year I just didn’t want the hustle nor rushing of all things Christmas so option to make a different decision. It’s SO important to consciously decide what is best vs. just doing things because you have always done them!
Learn & Grow yet Be Careful Not to Over Consume - y’all, I am a learner at heart. Give me all the podcasts, tools, courses, etc. I LOVE a wonderful retreat, sermon, class yet I have learned that when I’m SO busy consuming and listening, I am not doing enough of my own THINKING & CREATING. I have had to scale back on who I listen to and for what topics. I have found that I have needed to filer out those who don’t align with my values & philosophies. I have had to ‘clean up’ what I consume and listen to and keep focused on my own progress!
Don’t Trivialize my Gifting - yet Celebrate and USE Them - this was a biggie for me this year. I have loved what I’ve been doing in my business with hair and now skin, yet my heart is with Style & Fashion. I judged that at first since it seemed so trivial. What possibly could God do with that - I wondered. Yet, what I failed to realize at first is that God can use ALL things. WHAT we do doesn’t matter, it’s the heart behind it! AND God gifted me with skills and interests that are unique and special AND I’m finding that many women (particularly Christian Women) really struggle in this area and so if I can do something I love AND help other women then BOOM - I’m there!
Friends - like I said, I have not done all of these well yet these are lessons that I am continuing to learn going into 2020 and now more than ever, I am determined to fully live the life that God has blessed me with and live it to it’s fullest!
I would love to hear what messages/lessons you are carrying into 2020 so drop me a comment below or shoot me a message!
In Style & Grace,