The 10 Lessons 2020 Has Taught Me

Our pastor gave us an assignment in church today: to write down what we are grateful to God for this year. In this year of chaos and challenge, he challenged us to look for the GOOD. He shared that in Philippians 4:4 and all throughout the bible, we are called to REJOICE. In fact, as Christians, we are commanded to rejoice; that in our rejoicing, the enemy has no influence over us. Any schemes he tried to distract us with are not successful, as in our rejoicing, his attempts are unsuccessful.

That thought struck me and has stayed with me all day.

2020 certainly has not been kind to any of us. It certainly has not been kind to me. BUT, there have been LOTS of lessons and opportunities to grow and for THAT I am grateful and honestly would not trade this year for anything. Sure it was laden with difficulty. Disease. Isolation. Loneliness. Stripped of everything I have ever known from a physical body sense. Yet I am SO much stronger because of it. I know for a FACT that God has used this opportunity to mold and shape my character. To enable me to build strength in who He called me to be. Not that things weren’t good before, yet let me ask you this: Would you trade good for better, even if it meant things would suck for a while? Damn straight I would and that is just what He has done for me this year.

Here are 10 specific lessons I am reflecting on that I wanted to share. I’d love to hear if any of these resonate with you too! Drop a comment below or shoot me an e-mail at tammy@mstammyhickey.com. Okay, here goes:

1) I am stronger that I thought - This one may seem super obvious, because well, you can’t really endure a cancer diagnosis and not come out stronger on the other side. Well, maybe you can, but I think most survivors would tell you that this experience has made them stronger. Yet for me, I knew I was strong based on some other critical key decisions I’ve made in my life that were against the grain, but the extent to which I was able to handle this emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually challenging journey and come out on (almost) the other side with a faith that is stronger, is truly a testament to my relationship with Christ. In every single pivotal moment or experience in my life, this one included, I can clearly see how God showed up in a mighty way. This leads me to my next lesson:

2) My relationship with Christ is everything - People have told me all throughout this experience, ‘You are handling this with so much grace’ or ‘You are the strongest person I know’. The thing is - it’s not me. It’s my relationship with Christ that is the foundation of how I show up and everything that I do. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been perfect - that’s for sure - yet fundamentally I know that He has been my source and my strength. I never doubted for a minute that He had a plan for me and I trust Him completely with my life. I knew this because He showed up for me so many other times in my life, so of course He was going to show up in a mighty way this time around. I never doubted that and it has made ALL the difference.

3) Community is essential - I am SO blessed with a beautiful community that has come through for me, even in a pandemic. Flowers. Meals. Cards. Prayers. Laughter. A Parade. Teddy Bears. Chocolate. More Flowers. And it wasn’t just the tangible things, it was also the intangible. Friends who would pray over me. Hold my hand while I cried. Check in on me. Send me encouraging messages. I truly believe we are created for community and while physically we have been separated, emotionally I have never felt so supported and loved.

4) Beauty is so much more than how we look - This one was surprising to me. Not because I didn’t believe this before - I believed this 100%; yet something happens to your psyche when you lose your hair, your eyebrows, eye lashes AND gain 10 lbs. Your belief in inner beauty is TESTED. I thought I had this one licked. I was WRONG. God wanted to heal me DEEP on inner beauty and while it’s still a work in progress, I can FEEL Him completely redefining what true beauty really is. That it is more about who we ARE. How we show UP. How we treat others. What is reflected in our hearts. I have believed that to be true in other people for quite some time; and now I’m starting to believe that is true for ME too.

5) You can have differing/opposing views on issues yet still be respectful and honoring - If there ever was a year that tested this belief, 2020 was it - yet I stand strong in this one. I truly believe this is possible and can be practiced on the daily! We are blessed to live in a democratic society, one where we have the ability to think and express our views freely and that is a beautiful thing! I love the fact that we can pick and choose what works for each of us, and what works for our families. YET, that does not mean that should/will work for everyone. We must leave the space for others to express and put their own views into practice that are different from ours, and honor that. No judgement. No ill will. No conspiracy theories. No anger or resentment. Just acceptance. Loving acceptance. I feel like this is a muscle that I am building to be stronger than ever this year. It’s not easy and I certainly don’t do it perfectly (my emotions can get the best of me at times) yet I love the example Jesus set for us in His ministry. He spoke His truth and He did not mince words, but He also didn’t engage in arguments, never once used force with another, and always kept his cool. We can all benefit from the example He has set.

6) Staying true to ME is way more important than someone else’s love or approval - I am a recovering people pleaser and spent a lot of my life just ‘going with the flow’ in order to keep peace. In my family. In my home. In my job. In my relationships. I have believed for a long time that in order to be lovable, you must keep others happy. To not rock the boat. That is wrong on so many levels. Love is not conditional. And while loving does mean some self-sacrificing, it is not at the expense of yourself 100% of the time. I am slowly learning how to show up authentically. How to be ME in all of my quirkiness, flaws, insecurities. Showing up, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. Choosing what I want. Where I want to eat. What I want out of relationships. A career. A business. With MY time. It’s still a process. I find myself so easily wanting to go back to the flow at times, yet working hard to stand my ground. To stand strong.

7) My voice matters - I wasn’t going to vote this year. I honestly did not want to participate in the process because I felt like there was no good option. Both candidates went against some of my most fundamental beliefs so I really felt like it was a lose/lose situation. Then I really began to feel the weight of that decision (because choosing NOT to vote is still a decision) and felt like it was the easy way out. I took a page from my own book (see #6 above) and thought long and hard about MY fundamental issues. How would I vote if everything depended on ME. What was important to ME. What my #1 thing was (not anyone else’s) and then felt completely at peace with voting based on THAT. Because MY VOICE MATTERS. Just as much as his. Just as much as hers. Now, my ONE THING is likely different than yours and that is OK. Yet, I needed to let go of believing that my ONE THING is any less important than someone else’s. And you know what? Since I made that decision and acted on it, I have felt a holy rising in ME to speak out on this issue now more than ever. I’m sure I’ll be writing about it very soon ;-) God uses all things. Even a heated presidential election!

8) Serving and loving on others is the antidote to discontentment - One of the things God has called me to do this year is to start to share the stories of other warrior women who have battled cancer and other traumatic experiences in their life. Through having these conversations and sharing these stories, I have seen a common thread of how God used these otherwise gut wrenching circumstances to bless these women way beyond their expectations. So many stories of triumph, grace, service, and love. Sharing these stories have truly touched me and my life in a way that I can’t even describe. It is my goal to enable these warriors to be and feel heard. To know that God is making beauty from ashes. To enable them to see the strong, confident, and beautiful women that they are. They are warriors. They are overcomers.

9) I am capable of ANYTHING - I am not going to lie, my foundation was rocked by cancer. It hit me way harder emotionally and mentally than I anticipated. Way more. I remember one particularly low point after surgery where I had a bit of an identity crisis. I no longer felt like who I once was, but I also couldn’t quite visualize who I was becoming. Who God was preparing me to be. I have described this place as pergatory. Not quite in heaven, but not in hell either. It’s took a little bit for the fog to lift and for God to show me who I have been all along. And it took some truth speaking influencers in my life (see #3: community is essential) to point me to what God was showing me. With Him, I am capable of ANYTHING I put my mind to. When I look back at all the things in my life that I have overcome, I see evidence of this all over. He has shown me what I am capable of through Him, time and time again. It’s time now to own it fully and completely.

10) I am MORE than a survivor; I am a WARRIOR - #enoughsaid #micdrop #endofstory