Beauty in the FLAWED and not the Flawless

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I never used to think I was attached to 'outer beauty’ - I mean, I like to look good (who doesn’t?!) but never thought I attached my value to it. Yet, it's one thing to agree with a concept and another to LIVE it out. It's so easy to say 'Beauty is not in how we look. It's a matter of the heart' or 'Beauty is our inner light shining through'.
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Yes - I have always believed those things! I do believe that TRUE beauty is all about your heart. How you show up and serve. Your kindness. Your gentleness. Your humility. How you care for and love on others. All of that has absolutely NOTHING to do with how we look and I agree it’s SO much more important then fitting into our jeans or whether or not we are having a bad hair day.

And then I was put to the test when I lost my hair.

I think a lot about victims of discrimination. Random acts of violence toward people because of the color of their skin. Or their religious beliefs. I can look at those things and say how unfair they are. How it is senseless and cruel that these unthinkable things still happen in our communities. And then I turn back to my very white life, never really understanding the full extent of it.

I would site scriptures about the beauty within, like the one below and I truly believe them. I really do! And then I would continue to produce my tutorials on how to create beach wave hair.

Please don’t hear me wrong here. I am not saying either case is insensitive. I believe it’s important to take a stand on things that matter to us regardless of whether or not we have had our own personal experience. But what I am saying is that the GAME CHANGES when you do.
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But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7)
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God is able to relate on a much deeper level because He created us. He does not see the color of our skin. He doesn’t not see the scars on our face. He does not see our very bald head. He ONLY sees our heart. He sees His beautiful daughter who is loving, and kind, and lovely - because that is how He created her. He sees what we cannot see. He sees the truest form of who we are. He doesn’t even see our sin. Or when we mess up. He sees ONLY beauty.

That is the work He is doing in my heart too. Helping me to see beauty BEYOND my outer appearance. Beyond my hair. Beyond my extra weight from steroids. It’s hard friends. I won’t lie to you. I am learning a ton BUT I won’t tell you this is easy. I am the same person I was before all this happened, but I don’t FEEL like the same person. I certainly don’t LOOK like the same person.

BUT I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this one on a DEEPER level because clearly God has a purpose for it. He knew what was going on in my heart. He knew that He needed to pull up some roots - roots of lies that do not serve me.
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He's pulling up the lie that I am what I look like.

That beauty comes from how I look.⠀

That my worth is external.
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All of which I knew were lies, yet were still lingering in my heart and holding me hostage.

He knew these lies needed to GO and I can feel changes he is making in my heart and while it's not been easy, I am so grateful that He loves me enough to see me through this. Following His truths is definitely NOT the easy way, but it's SO worth it. Honestly, it's been what is sustaining me through this journey!

People have asked me, “How is it that you can stay so strong and positive through this journey?’ First of all - they don’t live with me! Ha! They only see what I share and while I do try to be real, the raw truth is in the day to day mundane.

It’s in how I struggle to walk around my own house without a hat on.

Or how I keep my video off when on conference calls for work.

Or how quarantining makes it easy to hide and justify it!

I certainly have not been without struggles - THAT is for sure and I certainly have not handled everything perfectly but my faith has made ALL the difference. In the moments when I have gotten discouraged, or anxious, or filled with fear - calling out to God has been my lifeline. While my day to day may be a bit bumpy, it’s my faith that keeps me focused on the big picture. The one where I KNOW that everything will work together my good and His glory and THAT is all that matters!