In Search of the Perfect Fit
Do you have that token article of clothing you are always in search of? The one that calls you in? When you walk into a store, that is the first place you go? For me, it’s the jeans section. It’s not that I need them. I mean, how many jeans does one girl really need? It’s not about the quantity at all. It’s all about the FIT. I’m in search of the perfect fit. The one that contours my hips and booty. Is roomy enough in the thighs yet also cinches in at the waist. For this curvy girl, that is always the challenge. I’m forever trying to find the right jeans that elongate my legs, lift my booty, cinch my waist and minimize my hips. Oh and shave 10 lbs off at the same time AND be a size that I could celebrate vs. hide. Is that too much to ask?
Yet I have left sooo many different changing rooms discouraged and disappointed. My expectations for the perfect jean that would basically transform my body left me in tears. Tears of frustration. Tears of discouragement. Tears of shame. Vowing I would do the work to lose those last 10 lbs once and for all so that I didn’t have to keep reliving this bad dream in the changing room - over and over again.
You see friends, what looked on the outside as the harmless search for the perfect jeans, on the inside within my heart and soul was the search for worthiness disguised in denim.
I was looking for a pair of jeans to complete me.
To tell me I was okay.
To make me feel good about myself. My body.
To bring me joy.
To make me happy.
To fill the hole that I have in my heart that tells me I’m not ok. That I’m not worthy.
My search for the perfect pair of jeans was a ‘quick fix’ for the hole in my heart.
Have you ever been there friend?
Don’t copy the behavior and customers of this world but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
Now hear me in this — there is nothing wrong with a great pair of jeans. There really is something pretty cool about finding a pair that fit you just right. There is nothing wrong with that. Yet when your search becomes an obsession — a response to the hole in your heart that is in desperate need of love and validation — denim will come up short. Every. Single. Time.
Or maybe for you it’s not jeans. maybe it’s ice cream. or maybe it’s a drink. or online shopping. or maybe it’s sex. We all have something that we seek to fill the hole. To disguise the shame. To drown out the feelings of discouragement. Loneliness. The ache in our heart that just doesn’t seem to go away.
The thing is friend, none of those things are the answer.
The ONLY solution to the hole in your heart is Jesus.
The ONLY solution for the hole in MY heart is through Jesus.
NOTHING else will compare. Not self help. Not your psychotherapist. Not the universe. and definitely not my jeans.
So here is what I’m learning… Every time I get that ‘itch’ to hit the jeans section of Target or whatever store I’m at, it’s a prompt for me. It’s an opportunity to pause, say a prayer and ask God to show me what is going on in my heart. To have Him show me what feelings are coming up and ask Him to help me FEEL those feelings. To work through them. To face them. To heal from them. And to replace the old lies with the truths about who I really am and who He created me to be.
The world NEVER has the answers friend. The answers are not at Target, or Nordstrom. The answers definitely are not in that chunky monkey, draft beer or girls night out. Again - not that those things are bad. Not at all. Yet they will never satisfy. They may bring relief temporarily but the ache just becomes numb for a while before it comes back. Sometimes even stronger.
Use those feelings, those prompts to reach out to Him and ask for His love to fill you. Ask Him to show you how he sees you. To show you who He has created you to be. Ask Him to give you a revelation for who you are in Christ.
He will give you that glimpse, friend. And it will be WAY sweeter that even the perfect pair of jeans.